Let's Be Friends

Hey what’s up, one person who reads this blog and who I have to tell I wrote a blog post! Looking at you, Early to Rise Runner!

I’m blogging again - 2 days - it’s a roll!

So I wanted to say that my “Edel Recap” didn’t suffice. It really did, in so many ways reinvigorate me as a mom and make me realize - 1) What you do is hard and AWESOME 2) What you’re doing is exactly what God wants you doing and 3) No one, and especially YOU, should ever be doing it alone.

So I don’t know Dainty Cate and I didn’t meet her this weekend - but I obviously saw THE SHOES. And I just read her recaps and she got Jen’s words and my emotions perfectly:  with this paragraph:

“Let’s just admit,” she told us frankly, "that our job is HARD.” I think every head in the room nodded in solidarity. As she continued her speech, my trembling hand went to my mouth to try and control the sob that I could feel welling up in my throat. She spoke strongly and fervently, moving her eyes from one woman to another. I felt deeply that she wanted every person in that room to know that she was SEEN.Her eyes moved to our table and she said, “I, too, have laid awake all night, worried that I was not good enough; Unsure of how I could get out of bed in the morning and do it all again.” And, y’all, I physically felt something inside me break. I made a strangled noise that felt as if it echoed through that silently rapt ballroom, but I was too moved to be ashamed. “These women,” I thought. “They understand. They have collapsed to their knees in their own Dark Nights. We are not alone. I am NOT alone.”

By the way, Cate, thanks for writing that. Seriously. And remembering it because I couldn’t. But I needed that. And I’m gonna catch up on your blog soon. Real soon.

The Sunday after Edel when we were still in Austin, we met up with my very own flesh and blood first cousin (who I never see) and her family and let the kids wear themselves out at the pool (except apparently that’s not enough to make my kids fall asleep on the 4 hour car ride home...jerks). And we talked about seeing each other more and her coming up to Dallas and I thought - wow, she actually wants to hang out with us? Weird?

And then I thought about the weekend and mom isolation and realized: huh, she’s probably a lot like me! I always assume that people have lives and don’t want to be bothered and don’t want to hang out with other people’s kids and don’t want the responsibility of hanging out with me. And when I thought it all out, I thought how stupid that is.

What is that about? Fear of rejection? I don’t know. To be honest, when I emailed my cousin that we’d be in Austin blah blah blah...I totally gave her a hundred outs but she was all over it. And it was fantastic.

How sad is that? My weirdness and lack of humility was keeping me from feeling comfortable saying to my cousin: Hey, let’s hang out!

So I must be sounding fairly anti-social. And I’m not. I’m just not one to like go up and seek out friendships. And during the summer, I think I get set up in my little hole of a world. During the school year, I’m really lucky to have coworkers and students who satisfy my interaction quotient. I have several friends I text daily and my husband is pretty good company too. I consider that pretty darn lucky actually.

But anyway, when I returned to reality on Monday, we took it fairly slow. This summer my major “release” or “alone time” has been Crossfit at 6am. Not that it is a social affair at 6am. But it’s my ME time and I’ve been religious about it. And it’s a huge improvement over my 5am during the school year workouts. But don’t make me think about that till school starts.  

At some point last week I realized something was hurt in my back. So I’d taken 3 days off (perfect timing for Edel) and gone back on Monday. And I was smart. I took it REAL light and slow and easy. Promise. But apparently it was too soon and I was hurting again. And even though it hurt even worse to admit I needed at least a week off. I decided to. And there went my “fun/me/social time”.

So with all this EXTRA ENERGY, what am I gonna do? I admit I was lost for a while. Morning workouts keep me so much happier and more organized. And I was reading all the Edel posts and thinking about community. And then I got an email from an old college friend who I haven’t seen since, but who actually ATTENDS MY PARISH asking if we want to get together for a playdate. Community, of course!

And by then I was like addicted to the idea of camaraderie and thought: I should invite my high school art teacher ladies over for an “art afternoon” with chips and salsa. Some of us are moms, some of us aren’t. But you know what? Teachers get lonely too. And I’m lucky enough to work with some awesome ones.

Edel definitely reminded me that we’re not going at this alone. But everywhere people feel isolated and alone and like they can’t do it by themselves. I’m positive that’s why Pope Francis has been talking about the “culture of encounter” like Hallie said. So whether it’s moms, or coworkers or the guy at the self-check-out at Kroger, none of us are at it alone.

And if this last week didn’t teach me that, I’ll never get it through my head.