Let's Be Friends

Hey what’s up, one person who reads this blog and who I have to tell I wrote a blog post! Looking at you, Early to Rise Runner!

I’m blogging again - 2 days - it’s a roll!

So I wanted to say that my “Edel Recap” didn’t suffice. It really did, in so many ways reinvigorate me as a mom and make me realize - 1) What you do is hard and AWESOME 2) What you’re doing is exactly what God wants you doing and 3) No one, and especially YOU, should ever be doing it alone.

So I don’t know Dainty Cate and I didn’t meet her this weekend - but I obviously saw THE SHOES. And I just read her recaps and she got Jen’s words and my emotions perfectly:  with this paragraph:

“Let’s just admit,” she told us frankly, "that our job is HARD.” I think every head in the room nodded in solidarity. As she continued her speech, my trembling hand went to my mouth to try and control the sob that I could feel welling up in my throat. She spoke strongly and fervently, moving her eyes from one woman to another. I felt deeply that she wanted every person in that room to know that she was SEEN.Her eyes moved to our table and she said, “I, too, have laid awake all night, worried that I was not good enough; Unsure of how I could get out of bed in the morning and do it all again.” And, y’all, I physically felt something inside me break. I made a strangled noise that felt as if it echoed through that silently rapt ballroom, but I was too moved to be ashamed. “These women,” I thought. “They understand. They have collapsed to their knees in their own Dark Nights. We are not alone. I am NOT alone.”

By the way, Cate, thanks for writing that. Seriously. And remembering it because I couldn’t. But I needed that. And I’m gonna catch up on your blog soon. Real soon.

The Sunday after Edel when we were still in Austin, we met up with my very own flesh and blood first cousin (who I never see) and her family and let the kids wear themselves out at the pool (except apparently that’s not enough to make my kids fall asleep on the 4 hour car ride home...jerks). And we talked about seeing each other more and her coming up to Dallas and I thought - wow, she actually wants to hang out with us? Weird?

And then I thought about the weekend and mom isolation and realized: huh, she’s probably a lot like me! I always assume that people have lives and don’t want to be bothered and don’t want to hang out with other people’s kids and don’t want the responsibility of hanging out with me. And when I thought it all out, I thought how stupid that is.

What is that about? Fear of rejection? I don’t know. To be honest, when I emailed my cousin that we’d be in Austin blah blah blah...I totally gave her a hundred outs but she was all over it. And it was fantastic.

How sad is that? My weirdness and lack of humility was keeping me from feeling comfortable saying to my cousin: Hey, let’s hang out!

So I must be sounding fairly anti-social. And I’m not. I’m just not one to like go up and seek out friendships. And during the summer, I think I get set up in my little hole of a world. During the school year, I’m really lucky to have coworkers and students who satisfy my interaction quotient. I have several friends I text daily and my husband is pretty good company too. I consider that pretty darn lucky actually.

But anyway, when I returned to reality on Monday, we took it fairly slow. This summer my major “release” or “alone time” has been Crossfit at 6am. Not that it is a social affair at 6am. But it’s my ME time and I’ve been religious about it. And it’s a huge improvement over my 5am during the school year workouts. But don’t make me think about that till school starts.  

At some point last week I realized something was hurt in my back. So I’d taken 3 days off (perfect timing for Edel) and gone back on Monday. And I was smart. I took it REAL light and slow and easy. Promise. But apparently it was too soon and I was hurting again. And even though it hurt even worse to admit I needed at least a week off. I decided to. And there went my “fun/me/social time”.

So with all this EXTRA ENERGY, what am I gonna do? I admit I was lost for a while. Morning workouts keep me so much happier and more organized. And I was reading all the Edel posts and thinking about community. And then I got an email from an old college friend who I haven’t seen since, but who actually ATTENDS MY PARISH asking if we want to get together for a playdate. Community, of course!

And by then I was like addicted to the idea of camaraderie and thought: I should invite my high school art teacher ladies over for an “art afternoon” with chips and salsa. Some of us are moms, some of us aren’t. But you know what? Teachers get lonely too. And I’m lucky enough to work with some awesome ones.

Edel definitely reminded me that we’re not going at this alone. But everywhere people feel isolated and alone and like they can’t do it by themselves. I’m positive that’s why Pope Francis has been talking about the “culture of encounter” like Hallie said. So whether it’s moms, or coworkers or the guy at the self-check-out at Kroger, none of us are at it alone.

And if this last week didn’t teach me that, I’ll never get it through my head.

Edel

Ok let me preface this:

I’m not really a blogger. I have what - 7 entries here? Of the blog I started when I signed up for Edel and thought, “What have I done?!” But there are a lot of feelings and I love reading so many of your posts on Edel and because if everyone’s doing it, I probably should too, right?

I was totally pumped for this weekend. The whole premise and the chance to meet some of you in person was huge. And I was super thankful that my husband also agreed and decided to make it a mini family vacation to Austin.

Summers are beautiful for kids and teachers. And especially for kids of teachers. And though I highly value the fun time with the boys guess what, it’s the absolute busiest time for my husband. Sooooooo I don’t get a lot of girl time, yo. And coming from a family of 5 girls and always having a bunch of girlfriends around, well, Edel sounded like a breath of fresh air.

I can’t lie. I had prepped myself to be around a herd of homeschool Catholic blogger moms that would judge me for being a teacher up one side and down the other. But you know what? That was stupid. I met all kinds of ladies from all kinds of walks of life doing their best and love their faith, family and life and just needed to be around others just like them.

It’s funny that Dwija wrote this. Because that is exactly what I had to do and what I did and what I’m so thanful I did! I even bumped into 2 ladies I quasi sort of knew their names and who they were but never really talked to from college - WHICH may be the most difficult i/awkward ntro ever - “Hey, I’m Sarah, I think you went to UD?” Because sometimes in college I was awesome and sometimes I was terrible. But weren’t we all? I’m going to go with that.

Hallie’s words: It is good that you are here were obvious to me on Friday night. But it was sealed with Marion’s talk on Saturday. I know, I know, you guys all liked it too. But that was for me!

“Learning to love more is the point - dying to self isn’t. THAT is only useful when it flows from us learning to love more.” Something I needed to hear. Something I need to live.

MY idea of what love should look like is so often NOT the truth and not what God wants.  Facepalm! Sometimes, it in fact looks completely opposite.  And feels opposite.

And guys, when Jen talked about being in isolation and how the doors are open for us, I felt like crying with joy because I’ve been there. I have felt like I had no one. NO one who understood and no one who could be asked to understand. And that my friends, is a painful place to be.

I’m not one to ask for help or want to spill my guts. I put up a pretty big front over insecurities.  I want to be tough. I get stuck in my little ruleish world with what I know and what I’m used to.

But whether you were there at Edel or not, my mother’s in Christ are here for each other.

I did have to swallow some insecurities and pretend it I was about to start a long WOD (crossfit term, I know) or go for a PR (personal record). Walking in by myself was not something that I totally enjoyed. I don’t know that I’m a SUPER introvert, but I feel much better when around  people I know - aren’t we all? But I trusted that Jen and Hallie knew what they were doing. And introduced myself and opened up myself and had a bunch of fun.

An Extraordinary Ordinary Life

Ok, so I sort of failed on the whole 7 posts in 7 days - and it's been *shudder* a week since I last blogged. Like so many things I do (read ALL THINGS I DO) I probably meet my desired outcome by 75%. Ok so maybe not ALL things. But ALL things other than my family and my job. Everything else, guys, I make no promises.

I saw a blog post gone viral recently about a working mom and her plights. And it was really really sad. A better blogger would link to it, but I have no idea where it was, but I saw a lot of my awesome working mom friends linking up to it. Relating to it. And I totally did as well. Getting home tired, having to cook dinner, bath children, read books, brush teeth, when all you want to do is crash on the couch. I get it. Totally.

And for several reasons - my husband, my kids' ages and my experience level at my job, and the fact that I truly DO enjoy my job and my kids - I can't completely relate.

We watched a movie this weekend called About Time. And it blew both my husband and I away. If you haven't seen it - do it - ASAP. My husband brought it home Friday night and if you know anything about me on Friday night, it's that I am NOT going to last long. And there is a very good chance I'll be asleep before 9. So movies....Zzzzzzz...especially movies involving TIME TRAVEL. I'm not a sci fi person. My husband was worried about the chick flick aspect. But I promise you, GOOD.

The movie is about a guy who can travel back in his own life and change things. It involves him meeting and falling in love with his wife, while showing a truly beautiful relationship with his sister and parents. Toward the end, he begins to live one day and go back and relive it again - not to change anything (like he does throughout the movie) but to just enjoy the little things. To love the present moment and savor the joys and sorrows. "An extraordinary ordinary life" is what he says at the end.

And isn't that basically what we all have. I have an ordinary life, but I need to appreciate the little things - my laughs with my students, the quiet drive to work after I drop the boys at school, a dinner my husband prepares, a quiet Saturday morning when my first-grader plays nicely an hour with his toddler brother -  the boring things to make it extraordinary. If I don't appreciate those boring little things, pay attention to them, thank God for them, I'll have nothing extraordinary at the end.

7 Quick Takes

Well I missed yesterday - can I do an extra day?

Here’s the catch up:

1. My sister and her husband were in town and it was awesome. They are moving from Hawaii to DC area and so car was shipped to LA and they stayed a little there, Vegas, Grand Canyon, Flagstaff, DFW. It was short and sweet and fun to catch up and have the children play.

2. I did the first workout of the Crossfit Open this morning. 14.1. Yes, I’m one of those. But I’m not one of THOSE. I’m in the Open purely to do it for myself. I’ll be lucky if I’m not in the bottom 10%. It’s so awesome to be like - last year, I could NOT do what I’m doing. It’s really super cool.

3. But the workout made my forearms really tired. So when I arrived at school and had to cut what felt like HUNDREDS of miles of chicken wire for my sculpture students, I thought I was going to die. That’s functional movement right there!

4. The weather here in North Texas just got awesome. But the forecast for early next week is looking like ice/cold/snow. I would do just about anything for that NOT to happen!

5. Gosh, I always love Fridays for the 7 Quick Takes. And I think they’d be so fun to write and today - NOTHING!

6. My students started making these really awesome wire insect sculptures today. Everyone got a different insect and they have to do it as realistically as possible. We started with the body. And I found myself saying, “Hey, you have a great body!” or “Hmmmm, I think you need to work on the body” or “Your legs are awesome!” and of course whenever something involves “balls” - as “Make a ball for the head” or “Shade the balls” things start getting weird. I have trained myself completely to say “spheres” in exchange for “balls” without even having to think about it. But all that other body, leg stuff was not easy!

7. A weekend where I’ve got nothing we HAVE to do! It’s been a LOOOONG time. Yeeehaw! Happy Friday!

Go here for more with Jen!

Sibling Rivalries

So far the whole 7 posts in 7 days thing should be titled 7 lame posts in 7 days for me. Dang. Let’s do it right, shall we?

Ok, so I have 2 kids - 6 and 2. I was sort of relieved that when #2 was born, that the old brother was fairly self sufficient. As far as bathroom stuff, playing, walking, eating, etc. But I do remember being like - But are they so far apart in age that they won’t play together…

And in my more melodramatic/hormonal times - Are they so far apart in age they won’t LOVE each other - wahhhhh!

Cue the crying…

Side note: I’m totally eating chocolate chips from a plastic cup right now. PMS anyone?

Anyway, it was obvious once #2 was born that it was going to be a total blast seeing his big brother fawn over him. And even better, watching the little guy watch his brother and seek his attention and humor.

And eventually I found myself saying stuff that sounded strangely familiar: Oh my goodness, look how he’s watching you play with that car? He wants to be just like you!

Familiar because I’m the oldest and I heard that stuff a lot. I mean a LOT. Also because I have 4 younger sisters. So I heard it said to many of them too. But I don’t ever remember GRASPING it. But wow, it’s so freaking cool!

So we have existed like that for a couple years. Boys getting along so well. Wow, look how great we are says husband and I - look how awesome these boys that are 4 years apart. Me and baby would go pick up brother at school and we’d wait for him to arrive at the pick up door and baby would FREAK OUT with happiness. Completely freak out! Brother would run to him, give him a hug. Strangers would stare and I’d beam. Damn, this is good.

About a month ago, some of that stopped. Fun together playtime started becoming, little punk ass instigator jerk is screwing up my tower of blocks. So I’ll just go play on the computer. And then the little punk will push the button and turn it off. We’ll all yell and fight and it’s just not the same!

So seasons change and here they certainly are. Not surprising. I’ve been the big sibling. I know that little guy can demanding and irritating and drive everyone bonkers. Also, my big guy is 6. Closing in on 7. He has lots of big boy interests and little squirt isn’t going to cut it forever.

So at night when I should put the little squirt to bed and they’re playing and laughing and being silly. I’ll let them go a little while longer. These times are precious.

Wanting More?

Ok, gotta squeeze this Day #2 in FAST!

Last night we watched a podcast via youtube about a strength and conditioning coach that specializes in working with teenagers. He started as an elementary school teacher and did that for over a decade. As he was working, he began realizing his dream was having his own gym and training athletes.

To make a long story short, the guy was inspiring. He talked about not settling. Being in a good job with benefits and a pension and saying, "I want more." It's funny because, I feel like I'm one of those people who like their job with a pension and benefits and job security. But I loved his message. Live your dream, do it big! Love what you do!

Maybe it's because my kids are still pretty young, I'm good where I am. But it does make me think: If I did want more, what would it be?

Ok the good-natured brotherly play has ceased. Bath, pajamas, bedtime, teeth, scheduled reading times, tuck ins, etc. needs to happen ASAP.

7 Posts in 7 Days - Day 1

Here we go - Day 1 of 7 posts in 7 days...

This weekend was the most enjoyable we've had in a while. The weather here in North Texas was incredible. Parks, backyard and tennis -  go us.

I had to take art and pick it up about 30 minutes away at one of our biggest competitions/shows. So Saturday the boys "helped" me drop it off. We had McDonalds breakfast afterwards as a reward. Yesterday it was just me going to pick up.

And on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, there was really nothing better than turning the radio up and making a nice alone drive downtown.

My normal little world revolves around about a mile radius. The boys' schools, grocery store, church, my school and my gym are no more than 1.5 miles away from each other. So I don't get out much.

And in effort to get this Monday started, I'm going to leave it at that.

Ice Cream for Breakfast

So no blogs for a week. Great job! You’re off to a great start!

I like how most bloggers blog every day and then take off during the weekend. I’m like - weekend GO!

I also like how it took me at least 10 minutes of my precious morning one kids watching Blue’s Clue’s and one is playing Flappy Bird mommy “alone time” to figure out my gmail/blogger username/password situation.

To be fair, I’m recovering from my husband being out of town for 4 or 5 days last weekend and being in the trenches or art show mania at school.

But it’s pretty much over so I went ahead and linked to Jen’s 7 posts in 7 days thing. Yeah, that should go well. Especially because I’ve got some fun family coming into town Wednesday and my house looks. You know - AWESOME. If by awesome you mean, the carpet is covered with raisins and cheerios and a spilled green smoothie.

I have been thinking about something regarding kids: Do you think all kids have some hot button control issues with important life skills. My older son has always been sleep. From the time he was 2 days old he’d refuse. Battle after battle. I thought all kids were like this.

Until #2 was born. I don’t think I’d give him any big awards for being a super sleeper. But he’d give in easily. No nightly battles or naptime struggles. Eating however, is where he has chosen to exercise his power. Other than any dessert type thing the only things I can count on him to eat are frozen waffles, bacon, raisins and pizza. Recently I’ve gotten him to eat Cheerios and occasionally part of a banana and a clementine orange. So I wasn’t surprised last weekend when he woke up demanding ICE CREAM for breakfast.

He’s 2, so everything is highly dramatic and when he didn’t get ice cream for breakfast (even though we have NEVER HAD ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST!) it was a big fit. So I tried “time out” the super nanny way. But since I was solo parenting, continuing to put him back in the corner when he ran out was NOT happening. And I hadn’t finished my coffee yet, I took him up to his room and put him in the pack n play (where he sleeps...long story).

I let some time go by and went back to rescue him. I’d noticed he’d been very quiet, which is strange. He was sitting bare-a**ed with all the blankets, diaper, pants all thrown out. He looked quite pleased. “Woman, if you don’t get me ice cream for breakfast, I WILL take my diaper off in time out.”

Luckily the diaper was dry. But still: butt on the bed. Gross. That’s when I had to make the decision NOT to freak out. Because that’s like basically telling him - oh yeah, that really pisses mom off, you should definitely do it again. But my poker face ain’t winning any awards. So at nap time, same thing happened. He found my Achilles heel.

That night he went to bed wearing a onesie I thankfully found and we haven’t had any of that since. And you know what he demanded for breakfast the next morning? McDonalds!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..

Intro to Judge

So that was probably a strange blog intro. This will hopefully be better.

That’s kind of scary: A Blog Intro. So official. Eeek.

I’m a Catholic mom and wife of two boys. I’m also a high school teacher. My role as a working mom hasn’t always been a role of gracious acceptance. I haven’t always been good with it. Or even Ok with it. But after much grinding and gnashing of teeth my family and I have found our way with it and I really love my job. I’ve gotten pretty good at my job. And I’ve gotten better at juggling. Or at least I accept juggling and dropping and falling down crying will happen and go with it...usually.

But that’s a post for another time.

I was raised Catholic and have practiced it all my life. I went to the University of Dallas. I met my husband on Catholic Match. Our kids are named ridiculously Catholic-ish names. That’s us. I think all moms feel like they’re doing it on an island a lot of times. And many more wise writers than I have blogged about the internet bringing people together.

I have gleaned much from the internets of mommy bloggers and my adult faith life has been formed to a degree with these real women sharing their lives with me.

Sometimes we all feel a little island like, right? More times than I could count, I wished there were more (or some?!) faith-filled, funny, and excellent working mommy blogger blogs.  Where’s mine? And then I remember, who has time for that? I think I’ll just keep reading everyone else’s. Obviously they’re much smarter and funnier and have better grammar than me.

But I think I’ve been selling myself short. And overly conscious of the judging. No one ever told me that moms that worked were doing it wrong. But somewhere along the way I got that in my head. And sometimes those things in your head just hard to delete. Or maybe I just have a hard head.

But it’s the weekend. And the kids are in bed. I’m surviving a weekend of my husband away on business. And I want to catch up on some House of Cards with a glass of wine. So judge away or look away. Blog #2 in the bag.

Because of Edel

When you’ve been reading blogs pretty much since their invention, starting one is a little dautnting. Before the book of facs and instant grams and when tweets came from birds, I was reading.

I was reading Jen before she was Catholic, when it was something about Et Tu? I read Deb before I had any idea she was a cook - when she seemed like a real life Sex in the City character to my single southern girlness. I’ve wanted to win a trip to Ree’s lodge for years. I’ve been lurking around the internet with the best of them.

So starting one myself. Putting it out there. Doing the time. Writing the words. Well, it just seems like everyone says things. A lot of things. So what does the internet need one more of MY bloggerishness? Probably not. But then I signed up Edel Gathering.

Like I said, I’ve been following Jen for probably 7 or 8 years. So when she and Hallie announced they were putting together this Catholicish Mommyish event, I almost peed myself.

And my sweet husband, knowing how much these people are a part of my life, said OK. I woke up the morning of February 12th with an angry toddler and a fighting first grader. I  had slept through both my two, get-your-lazy-butt-to-the-gym-alarms. I scratched my husband’s truck as I backed out to head to work. I drove into the parking lot thinking, “Oh well. All my people will be in Austin this summer. And I’ll be just up the road in Dallas. I’ll survive.”

But it worked out. I got a precious ticket. Yeah!

It occurred to me as the days went on - as I texted my sisters and called my mom - hmmmm...I’m going to this. And the introverted part of me started to worry. I just signed up and paid good money to go to a weekend long party with people that I don’t actually KNOW.

Ok, I will know a couple. Probably. Dwija and I knew each other in college. We had mutual friends with her and I backpacked through Spain with her sister-in-law. But we didn’t like HANG - unfortunately! And I feel like I know Jen, and Hallie and Grace…and through their blogs, I sort of to a degree, DO. BUT there’s a huge gaping problem: they don’t know me and some of them are borderline CELEBRITY status around the Indigo household here, which could go one of two ways in July.

One: I act like a wild and wacky middle schooler at a boy band concert.

Or two: I try to avoid acting like a middle schooler at a boy band concert and play it too cool and leave sad and regretful.

And since I’ve always wanted to have an blog. I decided this was the time.

Here goes nothing!