Edel

Ok let me preface this:

I’m not really a blogger. I have what - 7 entries here? Of the blog I started when I signed up for Edel and thought, “What have I done?!” But there are a lot of feelings and I love reading so many of your posts on Edel and because if everyone’s doing it, I probably should too, right?

I was totally pumped for this weekend. The whole premise and the chance to meet some of you in person was huge. And I was super thankful that my husband also agreed and decided to make it a mini family vacation to Austin.

Summers are beautiful for kids and teachers. And especially for kids of teachers. And though I highly value the fun time with the boys guess what, it’s the absolute busiest time for my husband. Sooooooo I don’t get a lot of girl time, yo. And coming from a family of 5 girls and always having a bunch of girlfriends around, well, Edel sounded like a breath of fresh air.

I can’t lie. I had prepped myself to be around a herd of homeschool Catholic blogger moms that would judge me for being a teacher up one side and down the other. But you know what? That was stupid. I met all kinds of ladies from all kinds of walks of life doing their best and love their faith, family and life and just needed to be around others just like them.

It’s funny that Dwija wrote this. Because that is exactly what I had to do and what I did and what I’m so thanful I did! I even bumped into 2 ladies I quasi sort of knew their names and who they were but never really talked to from college - WHICH may be the most difficult i/awkward ntro ever - “Hey, I’m Sarah, I think you went to UD?” Because sometimes in college I was awesome and sometimes I was terrible. But weren’t we all? I’m going to go with that.

Hallie’s words: It is good that you are here were obvious to me on Friday night. But it was sealed with Marion’s talk on Saturday. I know, I know, you guys all liked it too. But that was for me!

“Learning to love more is the point - dying to self isn’t. THAT is only useful when it flows from us learning to love more.” Something I needed to hear. Something I need to live.

MY idea of what love should look like is so often NOT the truth and not what God wants.  Facepalm! Sometimes, it in fact looks completely opposite.  And feels opposite.

And guys, when Jen talked about being in isolation and how the doors are open for us, I felt like crying with joy because I’ve been there. I have felt like I had no one. NO one who understood and no one who could be asked to understand. And that my friends, is a painful place to be.

I’m not one to ask for help or want to spill my guts. I put up a pretty big front over insecurities.  I want to be tough. I get stuck in my little ruleish world with what I know and what I’m used to.

But whether you were there at Edel or not, my mother’s in Christ are here for each other.

I did have to swallow some insecurities and pretend it I was about to start a long WOD (crossfit term, I know) or go for a PR (personal record). Walking in by myself was not something that I totally enjoyed. I don’t know that I’m a SUPER introvert, but I feel much better when around  people I know - aren’t we all? But I trusted that Jen and Hallie knew what they were doing. And introduced myself and opened up myself and had a bunch of fun.